WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE?

I have a confession," I have fallen out of love with my boyfriend of 5
years". I do not know when it happened but it has. I find myself not
wanting to see him . I find myself thinking less about him. I know
longer think about making love to him. I have this strong urge to do
things without him and feel very happy when he doesn't call. I wonder
is it because we have just grown apart or is it because I have involved
myself in other things and no longer have this need to be with him. How
will I tell him? I have been faking it( my love for him) I know the
time has come for me to woman -up and tell him but I keep hearing "I
love you baby" so what shall I do? I did not fall out of love because I
wanted marriage but because I found myself and now I am no longer the
person he met 5years ago. So what , DO YOU DO WHEN YOU NO-LONGER LOVE
HIM ANYMORE?

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Comment by veeh1 on March 19, 2010 at 7:30pm: @Cinderella5000 -thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I find it interesting that people resort to name calling instead of being supportive, but that's okay I know who I am so they can think what they want. But anyway thanks again.

Comment by veeh1 on March 17, 2010 at 7:51pm: Hey thanks for the comments, I will follow my heart on this issue. And some of you I disagree with you . I do not have daddy baby drama, I am not a lesbian, I am not in love with someone else. I have simply out grown our relationship.

Comment by Pat Riley on March 15, 2010 at 12:27am: If you no longer love him then maybe you never loved him in the first place. Relax, may be you thought you were in love because you were lost and now you found your way the relationship is not enough for you to grow. You are not the only one who has these feelings and you want be the last. You have to be honest with your self and let him know that your feelings are not the same anymore that it is not his fault you are moving in a new direction and his penis is not as hard as it use to be.

Comment by Smiling_Eyzes on March 14, 2010 at 10:47pm: [men] aren't looking for committed relationships with women who are high school drop outs, have a house full of babies, baby daddy drama, bad credit, limited futures and no visible means of support ... .

Qualification: The above statement is not intended to imply that most Black women fall into these categories. Sistahs must know our own worth and bring something more to the table than sex, problems, drama, hair length and texture and skin tone. Black women of substance will find quality people and opportunities receptive to her. She never has to settle.

Comment by RICHIERICH on March 14, 2010 at 4:02pm: whatever you do dont string him along and keep him thinking something is there and it isnt.

Comment by RICHIERICH on March 14, 2010 at 3:56pm: I suggest you take a break from him ,go as long as you can without calling him or accept his calls ,then if that comes easily said than done you still love him. Sometimes you just need a break and be by yourself and enjoy you.

Comment by Smiling_Eyzes on March 14, 2010 at 3:51pm: @ Cinderella5000

I agree with you for the most part. In defense of Brothas, I have no Black male horror stories! I know attractive, intelligent, Black men with character and integrity who are contributing members of society and of their communities. Not on every corner, but they exist. Funny thing is that women with hood rat mentalities literally throw panties at quality Brothas but the Brothas often times find it difficult to find women with whom they are equally yoked. Face it, Harvard MBAs or good, hard working, regular brothas aren't looking for committed relationships with who are high school drop outs, have a house full of babies, baby daddy drama, bad credit, limited futures and no visible means of support. All of these impediments can be overcome, but only if we want something different and are willing to make the sccrafices to get it. We must set standards for ourselves and for the people we allow in our lives. When a Sistah brings it, she doesn't have to settle for anything or anyone she doesn't want in her life!

Comment by Smiling_Eyzes on March 14, 2010 at 3:00pm: @ Lewis et al.

"I think you have to earn your way ... out of a relationship. "
No means No! If a person wants out of a relationship, they get out. Being forced to "earn" your way out of a relationship is called stalking and should be delt with by applying the full force of the law!

"after 5 years the man deserves a CHANCE to make you fall back in love with him ... ."
Not true; she invested 5 years just like he did! How many more should she invest giving him a chance? He doesn't deserve a change to do anything but hear the truth and move on! You cannot, nor should you attempt to make someone love you. You love him and want a relationship with him or you don't.

FYI A woman (or a man) isn't gay and nothing has to happen to want out of a relationship that no longer works for them. Many woman feel good about themselves and refuse to hold on to men they no longer love for the sake of having a man!

From the replies from both men and women, it is easy to see why many Black relationships are dysfunctional and toxic. What kind of signals are mother's sending their daughters when they are saying that it has to be more to if if a woman decides to end a relationship with a man she is not married to and no longer loves? No wonder some women, young and old, get so little from relationships, that don't expect anything. Quality Black men with character, integrity and passion and who will put your best interest right up with his own and support you as you follow your dreams are out there! It's very sad when so many of us don't believe that we deserve him and/or don't bring anything to the table to attract him! I do! Sounds like veeh1 does too. Why should she sellte?

Comment by Craig on March 14, 2010 at 1:59pm: All you can do is be honest to the person. If you don't your hurting yourself also. Maybe you should talk to him, he may feel the same way, because i'm sure he has seen the change in you. Good Luck And remember to be honest to your partner. and i do agee with Bluepixed

Comment by Lewis on March 14, 2010 at 10:48am: Maybe I'm biased here but I just think after 5 years the man deserves a CHANCE to make you fall back in love with him is all I'm saying. Have you told him your not feeling supported? 5 years is a long investment just to throw away I'm not going to be the disabler here and tell you to move on. I think you have to earn your way both in and out of a relationship.